16- Socially in Delhi

16-Socially in Delhi

After many years of oppression in the marriage, I felt happy and ‘free’ in my Barsati on the 2nd floor where I would often sit on the terrace and watch the clear blue sky in the day and stars at night. While initially I missed Rakesh’s body on the bed, I soon became comfortable and actually never felt the need of a ‘man’ emotionally or sexually.

Since Karan was my first concern, I became member of ACSA which is the local club for the American community living in Delhi. This provided access to the Canteen for him for an occasional burger or coke. Also, a dip in the clean Pool followed by a Shower where the water was at a wonderful temperature and pressure unavailable any where else. I was able to meet lot of mixed ethnic women and families who organized regular ‘Coffee meets’. There was a ‘book club’ of my interest. There was a ‘cooking club’ where one could find easy ways to cook ‘continental’ with local ingredients from local shops like the INA or Khan Market. I also got to take my Volkswagen Jetta on Shanti path which was the only road I could drive, at a speed that Karan and me enjoyed. There were carnivals with stalls showing select Indian wares that one could get without un-necessary bargaining.

I was also introduced as a Professional Psychiatrist, able to give some talks and met women of various calibers in other fields striving to live and learn.
Janet was married to Pal Singh and living at Sundar Nagar where my parents were. She was a counselor working with pregnant women in Ante-natals to promote ‘natural child-birth’ as opposed to Caesarian which was more a norm now. We became friends and formed a group of other women in related fields, both Indian and foreign, more to talk ‘personal’ than ‘work’.

All along, I was aware of a social stigma as a ‘single woman’, in both my medical and non-medical circles. In India it was not something one talked about easily. In Delhi, even now it was still a thing of ‘curiosity’ than ‘concern’. After a small ad in the local neighborhood paper, I invited ‘single professional working women’ to my home. They felt the same way and we started meeting often and became invaluable supports to each other.
‘Singles fellowship’ was another such forum under the guardianship of Mr. Rana, a widower and an elderly retired Sikh Army Col. He surely was always full of humor and yet had a serious purpose for living happily ‘with a purpose’.
We joined with them and began to invite our single men friends and the group became mixed. It was a lot of fun with music, dancing, sharing of jokes, poetry and other personal things if one wanted to. Although it was not a matrimonial platform and overall we tended to be conservative, 2 couples did get married amongst us.

I kept in touch with friends abroad. They were always ‘so good’. I visited often and they visited me, often staying at my place. I always got affection and support. Along with this there was also lot of travel within and outside India with them and family.


March ‘91 MT ABU
At an ‘Art workshop’ I met Lydia who introduced me to Judi who was a ‘chemical dependency rehab counselor’ in Sydney, Australia. When she visited Delhi, we did some therapy work with many of my ‘alcohol and drug dependent’ clients. We also organized a seminar at India International centre inviting other speakers like Dr. Sharma, Delhi Transactional Analysis team and senior members of AA and Al-Anon which was well received.
Judi and I became a team, professionally and personally.
She was into Eastern spirituality and on her way to Mt. Abu ‘seat the Brahmakumaris’.
I decided to take a break from Samvedna klinik and accompanied her to Mt. Abu. Dr. Sharma also joined us. This place was swarming with ‘double foreigners’ who were trying to find their ‘soul’. It was like a little ‘oasis’, teaching Raj Yoga. . We were not yet clear of our feelings on that but there was apparent inspiration for purity, honesty and service all around.
My attraction of course was spending time with Judi, who was an exhilarating and effervescing soul. The three of us got along famously and had lots to talk about and ponder over.

This started my personal exploration of ‘Spirituality’.
Back at G. Kailash, Aloke was part of the Vedanta academy. I started attending wkly classes where there was an opportunity for further intellectual discussions.
Swami Sukha Bodha Nanda who had a psychology background did a ‘life enhancing course’. He constantly talked and taught ‘rejoicing and celebrating life every moment’ and for it to be lived and loved with vitality, ecstasy, beauty and peace. Serious stuff and light, was all thrown together in a deeply moving, experiential manner – an ‘out of the world’ experience.

Following this, he had an ‘existential workshop’ at Bangalore. Here I was able to spend some time with Dr. Ravi Kapoor and his wife Malvika who were both wonderful professional friends by now.

Being alone and being free gave choices ‘to make or not make commitments’ which felt good.

Men in various walks of life did try to take advantage in a ‘mans’ way. After all I was living in a Patriarchal world, especially so in India. Whether it was my landlord harassing me for rent, a senior doctor showing interest in Psychology, a ‘supposed Police protector’ trying to ‘probe’, sometimes even a colleague or simply the man on the street, a woman was first a ‘pound of flesh’ and then any thing else, if any.

It had to do with ‘societal’ double and quadruple Moral standards existing at all levels.
There were ‘hurts’ one learnt to cope with, each time making one stronger for the next on-slaught.
Even guys who were good to relate to, found it difficult adjusting at par, to a woman who could ‘take care of herself’. This kept one at a strange position of ‘Isolation’.
Social support from men was dicey and women, unbeatable.

Any way, it never got the better of me after all that I had gone through in my earlier life. Over time, I gained the respect of my family, friends and colleagues and felt surrounded by a circle of warmth and comfort.

Veena